Good People Do Bad Things
There’s you, then there are your thoughts about you.
Say hello in your head. Now, scream hello in your head. In both cases something inside of you both heard the hello and said the hello.
The only logical conclusion is that you’ve got two people living inside your head — or two voices.
That’s you, then there’s your inner bro.
Your inner bro has one job: judge. It never stops. From the moment you wake up in the morning until you fall asleep it’s noticing people’s clothes, words, actions, tearing down people’s social media posts, judging the way people look, judging the way you look, making you feel bad. It judges you. It judges your mom. It judges other people’s moms. He’s kind of a jerk.
For one reason or another evolution felt humans needed an inner bro to keep us alive. That rustling in the leaves could be a sabre tooth tiger ready to kill caveman you. That suspicious glance by the tribe leader might spell doom to your standing in the village.
The bro isn’t logical.
You’re an incredibly complex being. Your emotions aren’t logical. You take action and then justify it with logic later.
- That fight you got into: Well, those guys were just asking for it!
- That private SnapChat story trashing a fellow student who’s having trouble making friends: But, he’s just so weird!!!
- Cheating on your spouse: But, I didn’t MEAN for it to happen!
- That sports car you couldn’t afford: But don’t I DESERVE a treat? I work so hard!
You’re not the bro. But he is part of you.
Logical you probably feels bad for having bad thoughts.
Enter the death spiral: You had a bad thought. You now feel bad about that bad thought. Then you feel bad about feeling bad about that bad thought. This is guilt.
Feeling bad is OK. Guilt is a good thing. It means you have a conscious. If you didn’t feel guilt you’d be a sociopath. A well-adjusted person can’t function without guilt.
Shame, however is not. Shame is believing there is something fundamentally wrong with who you are. Shame is not being OK with being imperfect. Shame is sticky and tougher to shake once it’s felt.
Guilt is good, shame is bad.
Good people do, say, and think bad things sometimes. And, while they all strive to not it’s ultimately OK. We all fall short. Even if you did a bad thing, you can still strive to be a good person.
